I Just Wish You Knew
by SuperWhoLockedHobbitofCamelot
Summary: John Watson and Dean Winchester have never met; never have, probably never will, but both of them have loved and lost the most impratant person in their life. '-My saviour' '-My guardian angel' John and Dean refuse to say goodbye when everyone else has moved on. Destiel and Johnlock feels.


'I miss you, I miss you so much' John cries into his tear stained pillow, the emptiness and the silence of the flat was getting to him; he didn't want to do this anymore.

'Things are never going to be the same now' Dean sits on the edge of the uncomfortable motel bed, chugging down another beer, running his fingers through his hair, tears stinging his eyes; why did this have to happen, why?

'I need you here; I've never been good at being alone'

'I feel empty, like a part of me is missing'

'You were my life, now I have nothing'

'You were my soul, the missing half'

'You saved me.'

'You saved me.'

'My saviour'

'My guardian angel'

'I never wanted to say goodbye'

'Not this way'

'Every day I sit on the couch and I wear your coat, it's all I have left of you,'

'I still have your coat, I keep it on the back seat, it's all I have left of you,'

'Lestrade asks why I keep it,'

'-and I say it's just something to remember you by'

'-but it's more than that, far more'

'-it still smells like you'

'-feels like you'

'-it's almost like you're still here'

'-your tangled mess of black hair'

'-those piercing blue eyes'

'-still watching over me'

'-never wanting to say goodbye.'

'I don't know what to do, how could I possibly go back to the way I was?'

'It's never going to be the same now.'

'I try to be strong, I do, I try but it's hard, it's so fucking hard'

'I try to get on with things, but I just can't, my mind is lost'

'Mrs Hudson looks up at me, she looks right into my eyes and she knows, knows that I've been up again all night; knows that I've been crying.'

'Sammy gives me that look; he knows that I can't sleep, can't eat, that I drink away all the pain that I'm trying to forget'

'People say that this is supposed to get easier, over time I'll just remember the good times we shared together'

'When will it stop hurting? They say it will, but it doesn't feel like it'

'-because all I see when I think about you is the blood, and your eyes staring without seeing, and feeling for you pulse and finding nothing!' John screams into his pillow.

'-that look on your face, that's all I see, I can't forget, it'll never go away!' Dean throws his beer bottle in rage across the room; smashing into the wall and shattering into a million pieces.

'-I don't want to say goodbye Sherlock! I can't because I want to believe you are still with me!'

'-no matter what they say Cas, I'll never say goodbye, I'll never forget, because if I believe in you it means you're still here'

'I just wish you knew'

'-knew how much you meant to me'

'-knew how much you taught me'

'-knew how much you saved me'

'-knew how much I care about you'

'-knew how much I need you'

'-I just want to hold you one last time'

'-I want to hear your voice again'

'-I want to feel safe again'

'-feel protected'

'-you were the most important thing in my life'

'-but now you'll never know'

'I'd have given anything to have felt your pulse that day'

'I'd give up anything to get you back'

'-but there was nothing I could've done'

'-nothing I can fucking do'

'I just wish I had told you'

'-told you how I felt'

'-because now you died thinking'

'-you thought that no one cared'

'-that no one felt about you the way I do'

'-well I did!'

'Sherlock,'

'Castiel,'

'I did,'

'-I really fucking did'

'-you were the reason I got up in the morning,'

'-you were there for me when no one else was'

'-Sherlock I'

'Cas I,'

'I know how stupid this is going to sound-'

'-how lame this'll sound'

'-but I've never meant it as much as I mean it right now'

'-I never truly understood it until I met you'

'-I mean it, I mean it'

'-I mean it when I say this'

'I guess-'

'-I suppose'

'-No, I know that I-'

'-wait, I know that I-'

'Sherlock Holmes,'

'Castiel my guardian angel,'

'-know that I mean it when I say,'

'-believe it because I really fucking do,'

'I love you; I love you so goddamn much'


End file.
